The little quirks of language

Some of my students at one of our school picnics (Tomorrow, West, Alice and Anita)

Wendy, Alice are two of my favorite students

Josh and I hanging out at a company function

I do a great deal of co-teaching with my new company, which is a nice feature that combines a native speaker with a Chinese teacher for the class. At its best, it's a really helpful combo--if I can't explain an idea, the Chinese teacher can translate for me, if they need added cultural references, the native speaker provides it. The operation reminds me of the adage, "A natural baseball genius shouldn't coach." There are some tweaks of language that are really difficult for a native speaker to explain...because we just DO it, or SAY it...and we don't know why. A Chinese teacher who has studied and mastered the language can explain why to students who are going through what they went through to grasp English.

However, at its worst, sometimes co-teaching involves the teacher delivering the whole class without making any use of the native speaker. (Or visa versa, I'm sure) As part of the idea of "saving face," the native speaker is NEVER to correct a Chinese teacher in front of the class. This means that if you are co-teaching with a teacher who doesn't see the need for a native speaker in their class, you must sit back as countless little errors make their way into the English speaking world. Ultimately, it doesn't matter much--the kids will improve anyway and it's not helpful to nitpick. But the other day, I was bored sitting in a class and not teaching...so I started making note of some of the errors. Some are not actually errors, just over-thought explanations for usage. Here are some of the things my students were taught:

AGAIN, let me say that this is not a big deal AND that many of these teachings stem from the fact that we native speakers have the innate ability to choose one word over another...while the ESL teachers are forced to come up with some REASON or METHOD to explain WHY. And OBVIOUSLY from a quick scan of this blog, my respect for the sanctity of English grammar and vocabulary is somewhat lackluster. This isn't to make fun of the Chinese teachers, it's just to laugh at how hard it is to teach a foreign language:

-Do not EVER say "you choose"...instead say "it's up to you"

-softball is baseball played with a cushy ball

-when a "love triangle" includes more than 3 people, you must call it a "love rectangle," "love pentagon" etc

-when describing a "3rd wheel", you can also have a "5th wheel" or "7th wheel"

-say "I need some minutes" when you need a break

-If referring to 50% of people, do not use the word "some," instead choose the word "many."

-Americans never eat vegetables, and when they do, there are only 5 that they eat, and they are always boiled

-say "office worker" instead of "business person"

-you must always open a conversation with a British person with a comment on the weather.

-pronounce "hurricane" as "hurri-cun" and "volcano" as "voe-can-a"

-calling someone "skinny" or "thin" is always an insult

-it's okay to describe someone as "fat," but you should probably say "obese" instead...which is pronounced "obase"

-explaining a body-type as "pear shaped" or "apple shaped" can extend to whatever vegetable/fruit you happen to think that person resembles..."potato shaped," "carrot shaped," "cucumber shaped," were some examples

-Finally (and this falls more under "ESL Students say the darndest things), students gave a presentation on marriage customs and throughout the presentation referred to "firecrappers" without being corrected by the teacher. I mentioned to them after class dismissed that it was "firecrackers" instead. The 4th grader in me was giggling though.