It feels a bit melodramatic to claim participation in this statement. I’ve had deep pillows and sweet sleep for the past 3 weeks, and I will likely have the same once arriving in Wuhan. That said, the quote has recurred in my thoughts during my prep for the big move, now only 7 days away. Again and again, the reality of the unknown, the unsettled and the insecure held up in His words have struck my heart with a deep, piercing anxiety.
Perhaps it is because I have, up till now, sounded and felt very much like that follower... “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” I’ve been elated and probably a little proud that I am moving to China. China! May all the world admire me—for I am doing the EXTREME move for Him!
But the reality is settling in—I’m leaving my home. I’m leaving my family. I’m leaving my friends. I’m leaving my security and my known world. And suddenly, it’s not so thrilling. It’s scary. And lonely.
So tonight, I sheepishly confess that maybe I’m not quite as adventurous and courageous as I thought. I confess it because I’ve learned that on the other side of pride and self-importance, the Teacher tends to patiently wait, offering peace and calm and His strength and His courage that goes deeper than any of the flimsy triumphs that I hold up in my own name.
I don’t feel it yet; I’m still a little shaky when I think of August 24 and teaching English and attempting to share Light and Good News with anyone. But I trust that if I ask, it will be given; if I seek, I will find. So, I’ll try to wait patiently for the Calm that comes after the fear, and the Joy that comes in the morning.
"Courage is fear that has said its prayers." -Dorothy Bernard
3 comments:
We love you Lucy and we are so very proud of you. May you be given strength and peace in these days.
Just remember, your weakest moments bring your strongest moments. And, you ARE courageous and adventurous. How else would you have held up in a dorm with almost all Seniors your freshman year!? :)
Love you!!!
Of all the people I've know, you are THE most likely to succeed in such a move across the globe. Your grace in the face of surprises and challenges is amazing. Remember, you knew the answers to Cheryl's Spring Hill "pop quiz" on day 1.
P.S. Sarah Jones says "hi." She joined SHMC last week as physician recruiter.
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